Just moments before writing this post, I had written a long post about this topic. I was typing so fast that my hand was cramping up and my answer was getting very deep. But suddenly I stopped, and looked at what I had written and hated it. Even though all I was doing was speaking from the mind, I hated everything I had written. So, I highlighted the whole thing and pressed the delete button. All that was left was a blank screen. I had to walk away from the computer for a few minutes to re group myself. For some reason I had anger towards this little white screen in front of me.
It is the moments like this that shocks me the most about my writing. I am shock by how my writing has evolved throughout my years in high school. I want to say that I am speechless, because I really am, but if I were to explain how this all occurred, I would have to rewind and go back to my freshman year. I would have never found myself deleting something I had just spent time working on. I would have said it was time wasted and I have bigger and better things to do with my extra time. So being the freshman that I was, I continued working this crappy piece of work I called writing. And if we were to move forward one more year to my sophomore english class, we would find that my mindset towards writing would still be the same. I didn't care about the language of writing at all, let alone know anything about it. I just cared about pressing the print button and turning the assignment in.
It wan't until my junior year that things really started to change. I was introduced to a different style of writing that no english teacher had ever taught me before. This style was to just write. It seems simple but yet in the moment it was so unbelievably crazy to me. How can one simply just write? How can anyone just sit there and type while simultaneously speaking their mind? It was crazy to me. So when that first essay came around, I tried and failed miserably. I didn't necessarily fail in the eyes of the teacher, but I failed within my own eyes. There has never been one essay that I had written from that point that I really liked. I always hated my writing.
The next essay that came around I decided to experiment a little and simply just write what came to my mind and that was it. That essay was one of the best essays I had ever written. And the best thing about it was that I was proud. I had written something that was truly me.
Form that point on, and continuing on to this post and all of my other blog posts, I write through my mind. When something comes to me I put it in words that make sense to me in my mind. These words group together to form a language that I love to read. I love reading my own writing. But you wouldn't find me saying that my freshman year. I didn't have the thinking skills that I have now a days. But even though I have developed a better sense of writing, I am no where near perfection, no one ever is. In order to get me closer to this state of perfection, I need to work on writing more freely. I need to stop giving into what people want me to write about and start writing on what I think is appropriate to write about. I need to take risks. I want to be a writer with complete freedom. But in order to accomplish what is need, I have to simply just write.
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